Pam’s Story
Pam left the hotel not sure of life. The doorman hailed a taxi. Pam’s soft, flowing blonde hair draped over the collar of her trench coat nearly to her waist. Her hazel eyes lost in thought of the past month. Pam looked out the taxi’s window. Her thirty days of heaven were about to end. Where had her life changed? Which road was she on? How did she feel about James? Was she just becoming a user like the rest of the world? The taxi moved away from the curb heading to the warehouse district. Her mind drifted back to long ago when life made the biggest turn. Such a forever ago it seemed.
****
“MOM!” Kate shouted. “Will you please get Pam to turn off that crap? I am sick of the Nutcracker.”
“Pam! That’s enough practice. Help your sister set the table.” Her mother called over the music.
“But MOM! I have to practice.”
“Enough! Pam help set the table and get your brother and sister in to eat.”
The family started to pile in the dinning room as Pam laid down the last fork. The food was plenty and the table crowed. She looked around at the table. Her father sat at the head of the table her mother to his right. Baby Kathy sat between them. Next to her mother were Kate, and Keith. Opposite her mom were Kent, Karl, Patrick and Ken. She looked down the long table as her father stared back.
He looked at the few vegetables she placed there, “Pam! You’re going to eat! Now put some food on that plate!” Pam put a small piece of roast on her plate. “Rach, Do something with that girl. She is going to wither away.”
Her mother just nodded as she tended to feeding the baby. Her mother added reassuringly. “It’s just a phase Kraig. She’ll get over it.”
“She had better and soon.” He got up and went beside her and dished a little more food on her plate. “Now you will eat every bite. You will get sick if you don’t eat balanced.” His stern eyes softening, “Can’t have my angel sick now, can we?”
“No, Daddy,” Pam looked into the ton of fating food before her. Dreading the comments that Ron would make about her that night.
“Now you eat up.” He went back to his chair. “Isn’t Ron picking you up tonight for a meet?”
“Yes.” Pam picked around her plate. Her mind on what he really came to pick her up for.
“Nice Boy.” Her father said as he began to eat. “He will really make something out of himself someday.”
****
Pam opened her eyes as the cab turned down the street. “Stop here. This is fine.” The diver pulled over giving her a funny look. She paid the fee and slipped out of the Taxi. She stood there and watching him drive off. The warehouse just a few buildings away, she turned her back and walked away from it. Her mind raced. She needed to think. Pam made her way down the street, still deep in thought of the past she tried so hard to bury.
****
Ron smiled brightly as her mother opened the door. “Good evening Mom.” Ron pecked her on the cheek. “Is Pam ready yet?”
“She is just finishing her dinner. Come on in. Would you care for a bite?”
“A chance to eat your cooking?” He beamed at her, “How could I pass that up?”
Ron walked into the dinning room behind Pam’s mother. He glared at Pam, the full plate still in front of her, than his face turned to a smile as he turned to her father. “Go evening Sir. I guess I am a little early. I do apologize for interrupting your meal.”
Her father smiled, “No need to apologized.”
Pam interrupted, “May I be excused I need to get a few things.”
Her father shook his head, “You may.”
Pam stood up as Ron moved to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. “Sir, have I ever told you what a wonderful daughter you have.” Pam looked into his eyes. A smile on his lips and coldness in the eyes looked backed. She kissed his cheek as she moved from his hold and went to ready herself. Ron took her seat and pushed her plate aside. Ron ate plenty and charmed the family as Pam hurried to finish readying herself. She paused and looked in the mirror. A worried face reflected back. She painted on the nicest smile she could and returned.
The drive was short. They took the tunnel across to Canada. Her fake ID ready in case of questions. He pulled up to the clinic. “Come on Pam. We’re here.”
” Ron, I . . . .”
Ron glared at her. “You know what they will do to me if anyone finds out? You said you cared about our future. If you don’t do this than it’s over for me, over for us. You don’t want me in jail do you?”
“No, I love you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Good, ” he smiled, “Then lets go in. I took care of everything. It will be over in an hour and we still can get to Pete’s party. No one will ever know the condition you got your self in.”
They walked into the abortion clinic and signed in.
****
Pam shuttered as a cold wind brought her back to her surroundings. She had totally loved Ron, body and soul. Loved him enough to kill their baby. Pam looked around the drab Seattle street trying to get her bearings. She asked her own mind whether she could risk that type on love again. James’ eyes where warm, the emptiness she first saw in them was fading as the days went on. Pam slipped into a diner and ordered chocolate malt. She stared at the sinful drink and again thought back
****
Kent stormed in the house, his face red, his lip bleeding. He stormed down the hall and burst into Pam’s room. “You better tell me it’s not so or I am going to kick your ass from one end of this house to the other.”
Pam looked up at her little brother, “What happened to you?” She climbed off the bed garbing a tissue. She moved to wipe the blood that now moved down his chin.
Kent swatted her hand away, “Tell me it isn’t true. ” Kent grabbed both her arms and started to shake her. “Tell me that you’re not, nothing but a whore for all the jocks in school!” He was a year younger but twice the mass of her. His grip hurt her as he shook her. He threw her back to her bed. “Tell me. I have to know if I just made a fool of my self.”
“What is going on here?” Pam’s mother rounded the corner as the phone rang.
The phone rang and rang as the fight raged in Pam’s room. Her father answered, “Hello? Yes . . . I see. Really? No, I didn’t know.” He hung up the phone . . . His eyes brimmed with tears. Kraig moved stiffly to his daughter’s room. The rage inside him simmering in the pit of his belly. Kent looked at his father. “OUT OF HERE BOY!” Kent backed out around his father.
“Kraig, What is it?” Rach went to her husband. “What’s wrong?”
“That was the doctor on the phone.” He glared down at Pam. He held his hand tight to his side. “Seems we have a murderer in our family.” Pam cringed. Her mother had taken her in to see the Doctor because her period had poured for weeks. Her father shook as he looked down at her “I thought we raised you better than this. I am going to the other room now. You better get your story straight because when I cool down. You will have to do some talking.” He turned to walk out the door. His anger welled. He slammed his fist through the door. He drew his hand from it and stormed out, his tears held back. Rach followed her husband looking back at Pam.
Pam grabbed her teddy bear and hugged it and rocked back and forth on her bed. She heard the voices rise and fall in the other room. She heard Kent tell his story of the fight he was in to defend her honor. Pam’s mother came back in to her room. She avoided Pam’s eyes. She moved around the room and opened all the drawers. Her mother broke out in tearful sobs as she found the money Ron’s parents had given her.
“Mom, it’s not what you think.”
Her mother words choked as they came out, “I have one thing to ask you.” Sobs crept through her words; “Did you have an abortion?”
Pam eyes fell to the floor. “Yes.”
The pain in the cry was that so deep, that it tore Pam’s heart in two. Her mother dropped the crisp hundreds to the floor. “Lord, have mercy on your soul child. Why didn’t you come to me?”
Pam sat speechless. Her mother left the room. Pam picked up the money; her tears flowed as she gathered it.
****
Pam looked at the melting malt, the beads of sweat dripping off the glass. The fight that followed was more than she could bear to summons to her mind. But pieces slipped out. Her father crying, her mother crying, the accusations, her father’s words still stung her heart, “Your no daughter of mine. My child would not have killed her own.” A tear slipped from Pam’s cheek. How could she tell James about his child? Pam left the diner, the malt untouched.
The street was full of the working class. The business suits and dresses paraded up and down the street. Cars rolled by. Her mother words rang in her mind. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
****
The view of New York City stretched out before the large picture window and silhouetted
James. He stood with his back to her staring off into space.
“What would you do if I got pregnant?” Pam asked quietly.
James thought for a few moments, then turned to face her. “I guess, try to be a better father then mine is.”
****
Pam sighed heavy. The stillness new in her womb, the lost child gone before it even came.
Would James believe her? It wasn’t her fault this time. Would he even care? Would he hate her for losing it? Pam hailed a cab. There was only one way to choose her path. The cab pulled away as she went to find James.