Spirit of the Ravens
I walked to the warehouse. My son Josho needed me, as did my others. The star understood nothing of this bond. They wanted me to follow them, to step into the shadow and watch the play with them. I would not join them in their demands till I held my child. I could not. I pulled my cloak tightly around me. The Star brought forth the aching in my bones of the cold bite. I refused to look to them, the warehouse first.
I entered the warehouse forest. I took a deep breath of the sweet air. I looked at the lovely greenness of it, so alive and peaceful. “Linda?” I called out, “William?” I spotted, Josho crawling in the grass. I smiled as I quickly went to him. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Mystic out in the river next to his sweat lodge. I shook my head. My eyes must be playing tricks. I held my sweet little one in my arms, “Did they leave you all alone?”
Mystic Raven entered in the warehouse his body still dripping from the water. He looked a bit surprised ” O’ si yo, I think they are in town picking up supplies ”
I was to him in a moment, my heart leapt. The Star shuttered at the outbreak of emotion, “MYSTIC!” I wrapped my free arm around his bare skin, in a hug.
Mystic hugged me back, “Mish na mish? It has been too long.”
“Yes,” I held him close as Josho played with both of our hair, “Way too long.” I pulled back a little leaving my arm around him. “Are you back now?”
Mystic eyes were on Josho. “Our son is doing well?”
“Growing like a weed.” I smiled using the terms of the green, “I only wish I could be with him more.” Josho stuffed the hair he held in his mouth tugging on both our heads.
Mystic Raven grinned, “I am sure he feels the same way.” I stroked Mystic cheek as the Star made demands. I looked to them for a moment to quiet them. His eyes scanned mine as he spoke, “You look different ”
“Much has change.”
“Change is one of the few constants in this world ”
I tried to remember the line of time Mystic had shared with me. “Were you around when I brought my children of archers here?”
Mystic Raven shook his head, “Last I saw you … you were not yet showing. How can you bring by what is not yet here?”
“I had two.” I announced. “I gave birth to them already. When me and Cufaen parted ways and I traveled the road for years. I hid them for safe keeping.”
Mystic Raven face held no expression. “You parted ways?”
“Yes, but he returned to me.”
“Much has happened in the short time I was called away.”
“I travel realms, so not much time passed here but years did for me. At least in the terms of the green time keeping.”
Mystic Raven spoke in comprehension, “Ah …”
I pulled away long enough to set Josho at his toes and raised back to press myself into a full hug. “I missed you.”
“I have missed you as well.” The warmth of Mystic skin returned to him as he dried in the warm air of the forest. “As has Josho.” We moved from the embrace.
“Cufaen wants him to come live with us.” I secured my gloves in my cloak. “He is your son.” I twisted my rings to set right on my hand.
“He has done well here and has many to look out for him.”
“Things are changing though.” I sighed as he nodded at me, “Linda is dating Cat. Pam is off with IceHawk.”
Mystic Raven chuckled “Poor Pits … I hope he survives.”
I smiled, “Me too.” I sighed heavily, “William is more heart stricken and I thought you gone.”
Mystic Raven laid his hands on my shoulders, “I am never gone as long as I am in your heart and mind.” Upon his cheek I rested a kiss, again hugging my spirit friend. He continued, “As I have told you before when you were burning … You are never alone.” His strong arms returned my hug.
“You don’t know how true that is.” I frowned as the Star called. Their voice was weak but they did scream. In Mystic’s arms, they where not strong, the call was there but they could not act. I thought of my sweet beloved’s arm and the silence I enjoyed in them.
Mystic Raven spoke softly, “There are many ways of being alone … even in the middle of a crowd … if one traps themselves within.”
“You just view the play.” I told the Star soon, as soon as I left the warehouse we would do as they wished. The Star withdrew to the corner of my mind.
Mystic Raven recited, “As was said in olden days … the world is but a stage.”
“You don’t know how true that is either.” He always had a way of hitting on things that meant so much, “Lets go sit by the pond and you tell me everything you been doing.”
Mystic Raven chuckled, “Don’t be so sure … I have many ways to knowledge.”
“I have many secrets.”
Mystic Raven looked into my eyes, “Some show through your eyes. But we all have secrets.”
“It’s not like it was. He digs for mine it is hard to refuse him.” I took his hand and we moved to the pond.
Mystic Raven shrugged, “Just be true to yourself and the secrets will have little power over you.”
“I can’t.” I frowned, “I’ve danced with to many demons and devils.”
“Then no wonder you seem lost. We all have our tasks that weigh us down in different manners … from what little you have shared with me your were called upon you from long ago and will continue for many days to come.” I dropped my cloak. I ran my fingers over the dragons through my bodysuit. His eyes catching the change in their position in a moment, “It appears the Raven has molted to new plumage.”
He knew my body well. How many times did he tend to me? How many sessions did we sit with nothing on in his sweatlodge to purify me? The green taboos so far from him. So much like …
We sat near the edge of the pond,. “I have gone through awakenings. I still need to embrace some of it and find the others and finish my greatness, but I don’t think they want me to.” I looked up to where the star was.
“They?” He questioned.
I whispered, “The star is calling.” The Star rose to punish me. They knew I was going to tell him of them. “I have to deal with them.”
Mystic Raven looked to me, “It seems you need to see visions for understanding.”
I shut my eyes, the pain of hot pain seared my shoulder.
“Deal with them or understand them?” He asked, “It is two different things. We have many stars in our lives to guide us … the hard part is not losing our way.”
“I will tell you.” I pushed the pain back, “This star is in my mind and holds my songs to bind our agreement. If I break my word they keep my fire and my songs.”
Mystic Raven nodded, ” Your word would be your bond then … so why does this take you into conflict?”
“They will have me do things I would not do and I have to hide from Cufaen these things.”
Mystic Raven remarked, “Then it sounds like you made for a poor agreement.”
The pain shifted suddenly to the stabbing feeling in my brain. I grabbed a hold of my head and held it tight as if it could stop it from exploding.
Mystic Raven eyes filled in concern, “You are hurt?”
“They punish me for speaking.” Tears welled in my eyes, “Only when passion is high can they not touch me. Like when in the arms of Archer.”
Mystic Raven shook his head, “Then it sounds like you made for a poor agreement.”
“They took a device from me that Sorcha put in. She made 6 copies of me. So when I pass she would not lose me.” The pain grew.
“Sorcha?”
I began to rock in place. The tears streamed from the stabbing in my mind. “Sorcha lives in a sky City. I stayed with her for years. She tried to take my pain from me.”
Mystic Raven put his arm around me and pulled me to his chest. He gently hummed an ancient lullaby as he did when the burning consumed me. The Star fled to their space cursing the power of the one who held me.
I listened to his heartbeat. His heartbeat played a different tune than my beloved’s but strong and sure the same. My body felt so tired. The fight with the pain caused by the Star had drained me. “If one of the other me should come to you would you know?”
Mystic Raven gently rocked back and forth “If it lack your spirit … I may … but Josho should either way.” Josho crawled not far from us. “When was the last time you sought a vision since I taught you?”
“I have enough in my head,” I tried to smile, “Why, have you never taken a wife?”
“Because I am married to my people … I work for the good of many and have little time for my own.”
“Life was once so simple for me.”
Mystic Raven chuckled softly, “Seeking visions often bring understanding Ka-Lanu … instead of the other way around. Life is never simple … usually just not understood.”
“The land of the green destroyed all I knew to be true. Even now, Char lives with us.”
Mystic Raven asked, “Who is this Char? And what do you call Dark?”
“He is a dark of the land I grew up in.”
“Most teach that there has to be both to have balance … without the rain how would you know to enjoy the sunshine?”
“That is what they keep telling me the forest, was out of balance. The light of the flame like I was or the dark I have become.”
“Dark … or enlightened? I am not one to decide for your world … I can only speak for what limited I know of mine But would you enjoy the summer as much without the bite of winter?”
“I have not yet seen a summer here on earth but only in others places.”
Mystic Raven smiled, “Then how can you say for this world?”
“I can’t.”
“Exactly … so how can others say for your world?”
“It is foretold in the trees that I would do something. Lebleg says I will end the darkness, the dark says I will extinguish the flame.”
“But did the trees say that? Or is it his belief that such will pass?”
“I never got to read the passage of my life. I only sneaked peeks.”
Mystic Raven words drifted softly to me, “I do not know how your trees speak to you … but here we often say that we are each the master of our own fate.”
“Not mine.” I knew I was cursed to find this greatness and until than I was a slave to it.
Mystic Raven kept his tone so soothing, “If you never got to read it … then how can you be sure either of them is right ? How do you know you are not?”
“The star sent me back here to find my greatness.”
Mystic Raven chuckled, “Greatness is usually found within … and not often known to the person at the time … if ever.”
I thought of Drynnan. I laid my hand on the head of the dragon that now rest to my heart, “The art lives and thinks.”
“Has it spoken to you?” he inquired, “Do you truly listen ?”
“I can hear nothing over the star any more. I have found a second set of arms though.”
“Then if you cannot listen … how can you learn?” He cut me short.
“Mystic?” I moved in the gentle rocking of his arms the beat of heart drummed in my ears.
“Yes ?”
“Do you love me?”
Mystic Raven grinned “There are many types of love … I do care for you and worry about you so yes I can say I do … I also love my people and worry for them as well.”
“You will teach Josho about the love won’t you.”
“All teach Josho about love … they give it to him and he returns it to them.”
“I was never taught about it.”
Mystic Raven smiled, “Remember, Love is a two way street most of the time … if not given it fades.” He paused for a moment, “Yes you were … you just did not know it at the time. Did your Parent care for you and take care of you?”
“He did beyond what was allowed. He treaded on dark.”
“Then he showed you love.” Mystic Raven soothed my mind, “Love is often called a two edged blade … It heals and feels great on one side … but it can cut deeper than any sword with the other.”
“Yes I know both sides each day.”
“Then you have been taught love,” he stroked my hair, “No one I know yet understands it … it is to be felt … not understood ”
“The pain of it is why I made the deal.”
“Then it sounds like you made for a poor agreement.”
“They can reduce it to where I don’t feel it.” I thought of the blessing the Star offered me. “or make it so strong I want to rip my heart out.”
“Why reduce what can bring strength to someone? Then it sounds like you made for a poor agreement ”
“I am bound to my word.”
“I would hope so.”
“If I break it I will lose my songs for ever.”
Mystic Raven nodded. “But only you can know the fullness of the agreement … and once fulfilled it is no longer binding.”
“If Sorcha sends another would you love her?”
Mystic Raven smiled, “As we often say … when you hear the drums in your heart … it is time to sing … When you feel the drums in your blood … it is time to dance. Is the other one still you?”
“It is part of me.”
“Then is it worth loving? Part of love is taking the dark with the light of someone. You cannot just say … I love your hands … and not the rest of you ”
“I don’t know if I am worth loving.”
“Whether you are worth loving … is for those that choose to give their love to decide … not you ”
“In all my days I have only desired three men besides my Cufaen.”
“Then you have been very limited in your scope … I have desired many … but chosen few ”
“Only the four have touched my spirit.”
“Ah … that is different than desire … that is choice as well.”
“Maybe so.” I thought of the other two. What was it that touched my spirit to make me attracted to them?
“As I said … there are many types of love. Those that touch the spirit are stronger than those that just lust from the flesh. If you ever fully learn it … you will be the only one I know who has.”
“William loves me with his whole being and I care for him as a first mate.” I stumbled over my words, “I … You can make me feel real too.”
“That is a different type as well … you are learning much. This is good. Love given between close companions can be as strong as one between mates or couples … on a different level ”
“Do you know what I am saying?”
Mystic Raven smiled in my eyes, “That I have been one of the few to be able to touch your spirit and such is rare. And that I am able to help you find peace at times … which is a part of my calling in life ”
“In the games you where there too.” I smiled back to his, he understood with out the words, “It was comforting. If they come for me would you join the search for me?”
“Exactly … It is comforting … but confusing … that is love. If or when? From how you say … it is inevitable, I am not one who walks the roads of which you speak … but I would enlist those who have gone before in the search.”
“Yes they will,” I pulled myself into him for a hug. “I am afraid of it. Afraid no one will remember me. No will care once I am gone. No one to come.”
Mystic Raven hugged me, “As I tell you … I care … So far I have remembered, even when you wandered off for awhile.”
“Nox was going to kill Josho and all I cared for.” I shuttered at his wish for the blood of all I loved. “He must have forgot.”
Mystic Raven growled like an animal.
“Tsar magic preserved you all but I no longer trust him either. He betrayed me.” I looked at the pool and the green around me. I prayed to the flame he and his brother Nox had forgotten us all.
“You are learning then. Trust few … but learn to trust yourself as well.”
“How can I trust myself when others are in control of me?”
“You cannot … until you regain yourself. You should seek within in visions to try to understand.”
“How will that effect the star?”
“I do not know which star … so I do not know how it will be effected. Songs come from within … so as if you learn yourself … no one would be able to take them from you. What you do is your choice.”
I cried in his chest. “No it’s not.”
“But if you cannot trust them even within you … how am I to be able to. Full fill your bargain and complete the deal thus breaking their power over you. If they balk on it as well it will become void. The only way will be through understanding. I heard one time it said ‘Through knowledge comes freedom.’ and it has proven true from time to time.”
“I just don’t know what knowledge I am looking for.”
Mystic Raven smiled, “Good … Admitting ignorance is often a first step in finding what is needed. When seeking such information … start with what you do know … and then you narrow down where you need to search.”
“You make everything seem so simple.”
“I tell you many times … nothing is that simple … if thought so it is probably not understood. That is why I use the sweat lodge … to seek visions of understanding ”
“I still don’t sweat.”
“Sometimes the procedure is what is needed … not the actual results. I think you could use some time in a warm place to think and allow understanding to come from within you.”
“Will the lodge let them in?”
“Let who in ?”
“The three linked to my mind.”
“It is a place set apart to be alone so I doubt it.” Mystic Raven where soft, “Do you wish them to be there? It is a place set to seek spirits if they are called … Often spirits are called there for assistance.”
“I can not allow them to be separated, not even for a moment.”
Mystic Raven nodded, “They would have to be called in if you wish them there ”
“I will have to think on this. If I lose them even a moment, I lose my songs.”
Mystic Raven “Then you have much to think on it appears.”
“Yes,” I agreed, “but now I have you to share my secrets with. Things I dare not write.”
“You always have had. I am only as far away as your spirit puts me.”
“But you are back.” I smiled happily.
“If I am in your heart and mind … then I was never gone.”
“I like the hugs you give me.”
Mystic Raven smiled “I enjoy it as well … to me you are attractive both in body and spirit. You will hold a special place in my heart and mind so you do not have to worry about being forgotten.”
“I feel the same way.”
“Then it works. That should put part of your mind at ease and allow you to work on other problems.”
“Yes,” I nodded, “I have been betrayed so many times by those who loved me.”
I pushed the pain of the memory from. I would not dwell on such.
Mystic Raven smiled, “Have you learned from such?”
“I know that they will even those that love you.”
“Then it has made you stronger by going through that fire of pain. Steel is made that way. Things happen in their own time … often we do not know why or when. But only after many years looking back do we see the worth of it.”
“I should return to the others.” I stated, knowing I needed to fill my bargains.
Mystic Raven nodded “I understand. You have a rough road to walk Ka-Lanu … at least you know you do not walk alone.” I gained my feet and offered my hand to the father of my first child. He took my hand and stood. He touched my cheek, “After all you have two good war names to live up to now,” I kissed him lightly. He grinned and kissed my forehead, “Walk the good road Raven, and may you walk in peace.”
“I am a warrior. I don’t see peace till the greatness is over but I will try.”
Mystic Raven chuckled “You did not believe me long ago when I told you such and gave you a name, Yanaba. All things in their own time.”
“No, I was much younger and the older I get the more I need to learn.”
Mystic Raven nodded, “You are learning well to know that much.”
“I have a wise teacher. Our son is lucky he will have him for all times.”
Mystic Raven grinned, “Don’t be so sure you won’t. In your heart and memory … I am sure my words will come back to you now and again. As I told you Raven … you will never be fully alone.” Mystic hand laid on my shoulder, “As long as I am here,” he moved his finger to my temple, “And here,” He moved his hand to my heart, “I am always with you.”
“Then you like, my beloved will be with me from now till time and space comes to an end.”
“I tried to teach you that long ago.”
“I rather it not just be in my mind.” I knew he would fade and pass from the green and I would live on.
“It wouldn’t be … it would also be in your heart and with your spirit.”
I sighed the star spoke, “It is time for me to fade into the play. Will you be staying long?”
“Just remember the world is the stage … but who knows where the audience is. I will keep wandering by … and if I am in your heart … I am always here … Seek the spirits and you can find me.”
“I love your songs. If I can’t sing them anymore I still can listen to them.”
“If they are in your blood you will be able to sing them … even if just in your own mind. Our songs are like living things … they do not die off only move from one to another.”
I nodded, “Hopefully I will be able to sing them again.”
“All things in there proper time. If you are meant to … you will. If they call to you … you will. This world may be a stage … but no one says you cannot bring your own music,” his grin warmed my soul.
“As long as you breathe I will have music.”
“Then as long as you care … you will have music that cannot be taken from you.”
I pulled my cloak tightly around me, raising the hood. “Mystic.”
“Yes ?”
“As this warehouse is bound to me to allow and disallow people within I now wish to share that power with you. All you invite are as if I spoke it.”
“I shall guard it well and use such sparingly.”
My hand touched the doorknob, “I love my son … and his father.”
“Then he has as good beginning. And will grow strong.”
“Tell him about me.” The star moved through me my feeling melting away.
His voice grew distant to me, “Of course … but if it is meant to be … you will be able to as well ”
“May the flame be with you.”
“May the spirits keep you.”
I left the warehouse and the Star moved quickly through me. I rested in the back of my mind and watched the play unfold.