Raven’s Personal Log 5
I drifted in and out of the sleep and dreams. I laid upon the covered present in the warmth of the green’s sun. I keep listening for the two-wheeled cart. I think it was called a mopad. I will learn. Just as I was drifting back to my dreams, I heard the putter of the cart nearing. I sprung to my feet and straighten the cover to conceal my gift. “Hi little Brother.” I greeted him trying to hide my excitement.
” Hi Raven. How’s it going.” He looked behind me at the covers,
“I have a gift for you little brother.” I barely could hold my happiness. I pointed at the covers; “It’s for you.”
” You’re kidding right. I know, you have a pile of empty boxes right.” He said doubtful of what he thought it might be.
I pulled the sheets off in one quick tug. There stood the lovely but rusted out 63 Corvette. I smiled at him proud of the trade I had made for him. “Now you have your dream.” I handed him the keys and paper that John had handed me. “I traded $500 and a kiss for it.” The hug was for delivery. “And it is now yours, lets go take a ride.”
Cat could only stutter out, “Wow!” as he stared at his new car. This was good. I made him happy.
From behind me I could her the voice of Nick’s love Rogue. I turned to see her raise an eyebrow and look at the gift. “Mmm…. always wanted a Mustang myself.” Nick appeared next to her.
Cat said in a whisper, I can’t except. You shouldn’t have.”
“It is all yours little brother,” I insisted, ” I couldn’t find pay but this I could.” Cat laughed at me.
Nick leaned close to Rogue whispering in her ear, “What are we talking about?”
“Metal animals.” She said still not taking her eyes off the corvette
“Metal…animals…” Nick questioned, “As in a golem?”
” No. Automobiles”, she remained blank in the face.
I could no longer be so rude as not greet the great one and his female, ” Hi Nick, Hi Rogue do you like the four wheel cart I bought for cat?” Nick slowly walked around the car. I watched him inspect my gift. “It rides like the wind it is not as nice as on a wing …”
Nick paused as in thought and spoke, “: Hmm……I didn’t know rust would pile that high…. ” He popped the hood to reveal a shinny metal engine that one could see a reflection in. He played with the small ropes that came from either side of the “engine”.
Rogue add, ” Almost as nice as a Mustang. Good taste Cat. Tu aussi Raven.” I am not sure what she meant by that but it must be good.
Cat was taken a back and defended his new gift. “Almost? It’s better. ” He slide behind the wheel and start the engine as Nick closed the hood. The motor ran smooth and was almost soundless.
“Depends who you ask feline.”, she defended herself, “Mustang’s have this strange air to them.”
Nick smile grew as he turned to her, “I didn’t know you were interested in autos, Love”
“Just Mustang’s.”
Nick rubbed his chin and stated, “I wonder if I have one….” Rogue seemed unamused by all of this.
I had to ask the stupidest question in the world of the great one, “So Sir Nick do you like it? I got a real good trade for it. The smile on cat’s face is worth more than I gave.”
He rubbed his chin and looked as me strangely, than returned his stare to the car. “What did you trade?” he asked.
“$500 of your green paper, a kiss and a hug. The hug was to bring it here.” My mind was tired and my nerves felt at the end. I need to do my rest soon but I dreaded my dreams of want.
Nicks eyes sparkled in the sun, I did not know if it was for a moment admiration for a good trade or just the light playing tricks. I was too tired to figure it out. “For a $40000 car? Not bad?” Nick went around turning the nice earth tones of the car into shinny silver and bright red. Cat asked for the paper I had already gave him and things started to blur but William had arrived.
It was if my spirit had opened and the flame renewed. The first of my mates had come for his nourishment. The talisman stood silent but I still knew he would be one. He was of good heart and mind. A little food a little training and his body would become strong. I ran to greet him and walked on his arm proudly presenting William to ones around the car. Rogue seemed to get upset, Nick eyed him funny and Cat was too interested in his car. William didn’t seem comfortable with them so I asked for pardon and took him in the house.
In the kitchen I started to make food. He gulped things down before I could even cook. I looked at him and he at me. His eyes grew big he swallowed hard. I offered him my area to clean himself and groom. He was happy to accept. I took him up and showed him the bathroom. I thought back to the day Cufean explained it to me. My soul ached. William put a hand upon my shoulder seeing something in my action that betrayed my emotion. I left him to the room and told him I would try and find him something clean to dress in.
I went back to the kitchen. I laid rolls and spread on a large tray and took it to the ones out front. They where taking care of me I needed to take care of them also. “Any one like to eat? I made plenty.”
Cat still had a smile on his lips and looked at me and spoke “This.” as he points to the Corvette. Nick looked at the car with a frown. Cat continued, “Thanks Raven you’re the best.”
As I offered fried rolls and spread to Rogue I had to ask Nick, “What is wrong Sir Nick?”
” Nothing, merely wondering why Cat should be so…appreciative over a car.”
I nearly laughed but held it inside, “It is a dream and he now has it. Dreams that are true can be great joy or great pain. But you already know this great one. Testing or teasing?” I handed the tray of food to cat and he laid it aside to hug me.
Nick smiled. “In either case, would I tell?”
The great one spoke the truth, none of his kind would, and “It never hurts to asks.” I smiled brightly at him. In this form I almost felt on equal footing with Nick. I dismissed the foolishness and inquired of my new need. “I was wondering if there might be some clothes of a male that I can hand William. His clothes smell.”
Nick look was unreadable as he said, “I had noted…” Nick glanced at the house.
“He is in my room cleaning. I have no clothes big enough or of the right gender to offer.”
“He has clothes, they are on the floor in the bathroom.”
“Thank you great one. You are far to kind.” I thanked him in words but wondered what he was going to ask for. Words are never enough there will be a deed, task or seed required. I couldn’t think what it was he wanted. He was not of the ones I know. Those of my home I know. Nick was a mystery I am not sure I want to solve. Valoki definitely don’t want me around him. Yet, why was he here? Was he to be part of the greatness? Did he hold a key that I needed to receive? Or was he a trap placed carefully to sidetrack my steps? It must be the lack of sleep my head did spin. The others spoke but I was lost in thought. I picked up a roll and dipped it into the spread and handed it to Nick. I watched as he ate it. This was a good sign. I regained my mind and remembered William. I begged my pardon and ran off to him.
As I walked into the room William was looking at my bags of things. “Do you like what you see?” He looked ashamed. I pulled out the bags and poured all of them on the bed. “They where kind to me and gave me these to wear.”
He eyed a few pieces and than looked at me, “You better be careful. I heard about these rich types. You could be headed into a whole lot of hurt.”
I just laughed and pushed him on top of the clothes. His eyes filled with mischief. “Sir William, I trust them.” He grabbed me and pulled me but I slipped from his fingers. “A bit slow today, brave knight?”
He rolled off the bed and quickly to his feet. I smiled a smile that equaled his playful spirit.
William wasted no time in trying to take hold once more. Part of me was excited to have one to play with but part of me longed for another. Quickly I side stepped his efforts and giggled in delight as I slipped out the door. I looked back to see him rounding out the door and following. The smile on his face filled my spirit as I slide down the banister of the staircase with him stomping after me. We ran through the hall with laughter echoing in them. It seemed so strange to hear happiness here. I ran to the back and he followed, slowly I allowed him to gain on me till his hand brushed my arm.
I turned and smiled. We where now in the back of the mansion. He took hold of my arm and pulled me to him. William had a gentle but firm hold about me. He leaned into my ear and whispered, “So have I worn you out yet, or you getting a bit slow today, Maiden Raven?”
He brought a new smile to my lips. I felt his grip loosen as he laid his head on my shoulder. I couldn’t help myself. I was being light headed or just lost in the moment. I stepped back a few steps and watched as he recovered. “Think I am slow? Come and get me.” I blew him a kiss and trotted around to the front with him following. I know it is wrong to tease a male but it was so much fun.
When I arrived out front, Rogue, Nick and Cat was still standing around the car. I hopped upon the now shinny red cart and William finally showed up. He was out of breath and was laboring for air. I felt the size of a dust speck. I keep forgetting that the men of the green are not as strong and durable as my people. I sadly spoke, “I think I tired him out.”
Nick was quick to respond, “He is not well, Raven. Nor well fed.
I watched William as made his way but he sat down in the grass. My spirit ached for sweet William’s pains, ” What is wrong with him? Can he get better or does he have…. the stuff Cuf.. Aids? Does he have the things you can not get well?” My blood warmed at the thought of Cufean and my spirit saddened feeling that he would never be.
The words barely out of my mouth, Nick moved from his Rogue and walked to William. I watched the great one closely as he closed his eyes and spoke slowly, squatting next to William Rogue mumbled something under her breath and taped a plug in her right ear.
“Lady Rogue do you know what he does?”
Rogue narrowed her eyes at me, taking a deep breath before blinking twice to calm herself. “I’m guessing he is healing your friend. Or healed as it might be.” When I looked back at William he looked dazed and confused and Nick changed into the Red Thing and hopped on to Rogue’s shoulder, his tail encircling her neck. Rogue smiled softly, and kissed Red Thing’s nose. “Hello Precious,” she said with pure sugar dripping from each word.
I reached upon her shoulder and petted the red thing in the same loving way I do to my Valoki. The Red Thing closed his eyes in a slow blink. “Thank you,” I whispered in his tongue of dragon. He took no mind to me and curled up and rests his chin on Rogue’s right shoulder.
William gathered his wits and approached, all eyes where on him. I jumped from the hood and head to him but he was a little more quick now and made it to us before I moved. He looked around the front and asked, “Where did he go?”
I thought the others where going to bust in laughter but I quickly replied, “He needed to rest in his love’s arms.” William made his farewell, filling his pockets with the rolls Cat offered and made his way down the drive.
“Great one what was wrong with William??”” I asked him. How I love to tempt my fate.
“William had many ills, ” the red thing answered, “One lead to that which would have killed him.”
I purposely spoke in front of his love; “I have no way of repaying your generosity or kindness to him.”
” Would you expect thanks, Raven, for bandaging a wound?”
“No, but your eye fell on him and I am grateful. We are but dust that walks and you are the wind that blows us. We fall where we may but direct us. ” I remembered the teaching of the dragons of my home well.
“Each has his place in the way of things, Raven. Do not think because I wield greater power and hold greater responsibility that I am any better then you, o’ Seeker.”
He teased with me again ” I might be marked for greatness but I will never be as great as you or your kind” I paused and added, “except for drake I can be greater than him.”
Red Thing grinned a tiny toothy smile. Rogue coughs, letting out quiet, at least for her, shriek. Red Thing turned to Rogue and tickled her earlobe with a tiny tongue but Rogue vanished. The Red Thing glided to the ground shifting back to Nick. Valoki flew from the roof and landed on my shoulder.
Nick smiled at my dear friend, “Well met little kin.” I petted him lovingly as he continued, “Do you still fear me?” Valoki ever so rude jut let out with a hiss.
I quickly defended him,” He fears for me.”
“You have nothing to fear from me, Raven”
I was silent for a moment wondering the truth of that. I wanted to change the subject, “Tonight, William is showing me places I can fix to house my mates. Though I haven’t told him what it is for.” I remembered the great ones hate idle prattling so I returned to the subject, “Valoki thinks I have things to fear from all of the green.”
“He is right. You are a fluffy in this big world, Raven.”
“In his mind eye you are as part of it as the rest since you are here.” I smiled even though Valoki screamed me a fool and asked if I was trying to get him fried.
Nick opened a door I never wanted open. He tore my soul in once quick sweep. I did not see it coming. I became afraid as he asked, “What would happen to you, Raven, if you were taken by the Dark ones?”
He was a great one, why did he do this to me, I pushed my memories down and choke on my words, “I would be made to serve them against my will and.” I could not finish; it was all too painful.
” And?” he insisted.
I looked away from Nick and my mind left. I was there again in the dark. The throbbing of the rock. The cold of the under. I pushed myself from the thoughts and back into the corner of my mind. “Many bad things happen to women taken by the dark. It is not good. It is worst for men.”
Nick spoke with out compassion or care; “This world has many that would do that to you.”
My mind exploded in fury, ” I AM RAVEN OF THE FIREOAK FOREST! IAM SEEKER! PROTECER!”
I realized too late that I had screamed, why must I always do wrong, I continued in a whisper, “I will not, can not let the dark win me. Pardon my words, the loudness was caused by things I have not full made under my control. But I will learn”
Cat put his arm around me to comfort and spoke softly to me, I guess that’s what we do. We fight back the dark ones. It would be good if we didn’t let everyone we find get away.”
The talked to the girl we had saved the first night of the dark green. Again I had forgotten her. She still was at the manor of Archers. Valoki spoke into my mind on how he must be seeding her to. That I should just forget him. I. My anger grew my blood was still hot for my love. I swatted at my friend and he flew off.
Nick seemed amused; “Your friend does not like the archer?”
I felt so foolish, “Excuse the disruption, sometime he is to out spoken. He has good reason for his mistrust of archer.”
The Cat bite his lip and Nick smiled.
My anger was filling me and my eyes started to brim, “but he doesn’t have to be hurtful to me about it.” I thought of my Valoki, “I will make up with him later or he with me.”
Chameleon flew from the sky and greeted us. My feelings where about to explode. I need to regain myself. Why did this pain for Cufean drive me so hard? I begged my leave and departed quickly when Nick granted it to me. I went into the house, out the back and into the woods and up a tree. I could no longer bare this. I just wanted to die. No matter how happy I tried to make myself the new strength of these emotions pulled me down. What was it I was feeling? My eyes opened to the tears I could no longer hold in.
The red thing searched me out and found my hiding spot. Who was this great one? Why did he help me? What did he want from me? What did I have to give? I was the not worthy to be, let alone worthy of his notice.
His gentleness took me a back when he asked, “Why do you hide so?”
I hide my face from him. How should I answer him? Which thing should I reveal? I started, “Valoki hurt me. He is not acting right or I am not. I do not know which.”
The Red Thing whispered, ” He is your guardian.”
“No he is more and he is less,” I was sure he would understand the meaning.
“One thing he will always be is a friend.” Red thing finished.
“Yes he will always be that, ” I agreed. “Tell me what you know of love, from the eyes of the great tell me of love.”
“Love? I have existed for all time.”
“Your Rogue is your love, thus you must know of it. I heard you call her that.” He was not going to escape this question. I needed to know. I had to know.
“Until I met her…I did not know love. I used her as a pawn against Archer. Archer is a force of Good in this world. You talk of “Dark” I talk of “Evil” The world is made up of a balance of the two. Archer stands on the good side. He helps people…he would sacrifice himself to save a single life.”
He spoke so fondly of Cufean but I knew my sweet Cufean was dark, I had to ask, “was he shining to great so you made him dark?”
“Dark?” he seemed shocked at my words, “He has darkness and if you mean Evil, No, Archer is not evil.” He eyed me as if I was unknown to him, “How is he Dark?” Then he changed his mind, “No. I think you need to know of Love first. I used Rogue against Archer to destroy what he had with Thistle. Thistle one of his loves. Perhaps the one he was meant to have for all time…”
I lifted my eyes the sea of tears that flowed out of the looked into the golden eyes of the red thing. I spoke bluntly as the fire in my veins hurt me at the mere mention of his name. “I read the book where god gave his son so we all can be immortal. Where a man and woman would become one. None unto each other.”
Nick spoke, “It is a feeling…down deep…. Beyond anything you have every felt.”
I hurried on, “Is it a burning?”
“It is.” He confirmed, “It is…it is a longing…. A need…a pain…. It is sweet.”
“Is it where you would give your duty and let down your people but to only have a taste?”
“Yes…you will do anything for one you love…you will die to save them.”
“Is it hurt that is so deep that you would fling yourself away just not to hurt the one?”
“Yes, but when it is returned all is right with the universe.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Than I know love but I had no name. It will never be returned. For I am who I am.”
The Red Thing looked at me with a raised eyebrow “Won’t it?”
I was totally sure of myself, there was no doubt I would forever be in this state of pain, “He has another love how could I ever have what is already given. My dream of life is a lie and I dishonor all that is because I want what I can never have.”
He smiled slightly, his golden eyes seeming to swirl “Does he? Have you asked him?”
“Yes. He proclaims it to all but he lies to me.”
The red thing shifted form and Nick sat with me on my tree perch. He made light of my knowledge of Sable. Even now Cufean was with her. I knew they mated. They made things like that well known to all. Oh how it pained to think of them together. We spoke of many things and finally I had to ask. “Is what I feel for Cufean love? Or is it just the something else, that is dark?”
He answered in a question, so like his kind, “If he came to you and touches your tears and kissed them away. If he held you in his arms and told you he loved you. How would you feel?”
“I would melt away and be reborn in his eyes no matter how much hurt he did to me.”
“THAT is love.” He proclaimed.
At least now I knew what love was and it was bittersweet pain. The moment I open my eyes and saw my dream looking back at me I knew he was the one and the fire burned. But even though Nick was sure I could have him. I could not take him from Sable. She was greater than me and knew the ways of the green and I was just a new mature of the forest. How could I compete with one of her grace and wisdom.
“I will push back the burning and the pain and I will do my duty as I have been trained. “, spoke my thoughts aloud and looked into the golden eyes of Nick, “It has been ever so kind of you to listen to the weeping of a silly female.”
“If you think that you cannot achieve your goal and your desire, then you will not.” He sounded so wise.
I removed my talisman showing it to him. “This thing won’t work for me. I thought I felt something happen with William but nothing.”
Nick laid a finger on the talisman. “This world is filled with the technical. It blocks the magic. The power of this awakens, even now.” He closed his hand on it, then reopened his hand, “Try it now.”
I obeyed and watch the tree on the front turn to a dead stump. “A dead tree?”
“I can resist your flame, so I cannot be changed to Fire Elf.”
The talk was done and he dropped to the ground, changing into the great form of a dragon, ” Fly with me, daughter.” My heart leaped. A flight on a dragon wing. Oh I loved to fly upon their wings.
We chased the sun and I sang to it. Being so long with the great one lifted my spirit and he joined me in my song. His deep voice accenting mine in all the right ways. The world of the green must of thought they heard an angel chorus that day. He took me to the cave of sweet sands and flame. He wanted me to rest and I agreed to for a bit and he left me. I bathed in the flame and sands My mind and heart thinking only of the green eyes, the black silk hair, firm grip, and Cufean’s gentle smile. I loved him and by the flame knew I would never love another.
I returned to the mansion and Valoki sat on the soft bed with his big beautiful eyes betraying his sorrow. How could I stay mad at him. I loved him too. In just a moment all was well between us and we cuddled. I than left this place to find William. I needed a home for my mates.