Raven’s Personal Log 9
I sit here in the Warehouse forest listening to my child’s father sing of the way of his people. It brings peace to my soul. I guess I should recall the morning I returned. I had taken the burning to new heights in Cufean’s arms. I still tremble at the thoughts of pleasure it brought me, yet my body is still not whole even after three weeks of the green.
I returned home and William seeing me, was worried. I must have looked a fright, even after the flame, William scooped me up into his arms and carried me like a baby. He laid me next to the heated sand and gave me food and drink. Some stayed down but most rose up. He cleaned the evil up and cleaned me up and won’t let me move. He covered me in thick warm blankets and stayed within my call. It must have been, that I let the burning go to far within.
Mystic arrived his face was filled with concern when he looked at me. He fixed me drinks of herbs, they seemed to help and stayed down. He fixed a mixture, that thick and warm. Revealing my skin, he spread it all over my chest. I trusted him. He was so like one of my own people. Smoke of sweet grass filled the air as he tended so tenderly over me.
They took turns sitting with me. Mystic sung over me, like he sung to our son. My dreams where troubled but the warm arms of William held me through them.
My measure for rest had past and those of the green slept. I looked on the peaceful faces of the two whom cared so much. They had left the walls of their spaces and slept near me. Even my son, was near his father and close to me. I rose before the sun and sat in a tree out side of the warehouse singing a welcome to it.
I thought of his Thistle. I spoke unto the sun, “Greeting Lady Thistle and thee Goddess Ishtar. May your spirit rejoice in all.” She was the one who held his spirit. I did not wish to take her place within him. I just wanted to be allowed a moment of him. My blood burned at mere thought of him. It was silly of me to call out to her but somehow I felt she could aid me. Such thoughts where not of my people but where in the stories that the great ones told.
I sung to the burning and the pain, I raised my voice to the sky above, “To have to endure the pain without understanding why the pain. To have to with stand, to live the pain without deserving the pain. If this is my destiny, who is the tormentor who decided it should be so? Who has contaminated me? Who has given me this pain? Man doesn’t exist to be only animal: our history is much more than just corporal. Open your senses in order to have freedom together with all who are your equals, and you will think, will love, will dream, will know that the happiness of the city doesn’t have to kill the forest. Then the pain will unite us: the end of pain begins that way. It is the child that doesn’t stop growing, the fruit that will ripen, it is that hand, that tawny peace, it is that look … always green and becoming greener. It is that human gesture, it is that human voice, it is that human love that arrives and tells us it is here to stay.”
I so missed my land of the flame. I was a seeker yet I did not do my duty. A Seeker went forth and found Mates. What did I do? I let the strength of the green emotions flood me. I agreed to help the little ones of the land. I defended the laws of the green even though dark controlled him. I sought to mate with the one who made me burn. I walked with the great one, T’sar, collecting a great debt to him. I clouded my mind in all the things of the green and did nothing for my people. This was going to change. It had to change or I would fail my people and do yet another dishonor in the eyes of my people.
William ran to me as I stepped inside. His anger was great that I would leave the building so sick. I did not feel sick. I just had the burning that would not leave me. Mystic arose and prepared food called “Pemmican” for me to snack. He gave me an herbal tea for strength and health.
It took me a long time to convince William and Mystic that I was fine. I still don’t think either believed me. William needed to tend to some business and I watched Mystic in a making of a dream catcher. He took a ring, Suede lacing, waxed string, “Concho”, beads & a feather and started to create the catcher. I watched his hands work surely in the task.
He told me the tale, “Long ago when the world was young, an old man sat on a high mountain and had a vision. In his vision, Iktomi, the great trickster and teacher of wisdom, appeared in the form of a spider. Iktomi spoke to him in a sacred language that only the old man could understand. As he spoke, Iktomi the spider took the elder’s willow hoop which had feathers, horse hairs, beads and offerings on it and began to spin a web. He spoke to the elder about the cycles of life….how we begin our lives as infants and we move on to childhood, and then to adulthood. Finally, we go to old age where we must be taken care of as infants, completing the cycle. Iktomi said, “In each time of life there are many forces and different directions that can help or interfere with the harmony of nature, and also with the Great Spirit and all of his wonderful teachings.” Iktomi gave the web to the Lakota elder and said, “See, the web is a perfect circle but there is a hole in the center of the circle. If you believe in the Great Spirit, the web will catch your good dreams and ideas – – and the bad ones will go through the hole. Use the web to help yourself and your people to reach your goals and make good use of your people’s ideas, dreams and visions.” The elder passed on his vision to his people and even today, many of us use the dream catcher as the web of our life. It is hung above our beds or in the home to sift dreams and visions. The good of our dreams are captured in the web of life and carried with them…but any bad dreams escape through the center hole.”
Time slipped by in, Mystic’s songs and stories held me in an almost trance. So much was he unto my people. I thought of how so unto my people was Cufean. The fire burned. Mystic must have seen the emotion that spread over me as I thought of my dream. His hand stroked my hair and his smiled warmed my spirit. He arose to fix fry bread with home made huckleberry jam on it to help give me strength and energy. I ate the food and drank more of his tea. I left him for a moment after to release the evil that again cursed my tummy.
The night came all too soon and I gathered myself in my cloak. Mystic advise me to return early as possible, to rest and heal. He knew that I was not whole but could I ever be that way again? William smiled at me as he moved in front of me. His hands gently moving my hair in place. Valoki swooped down and landed upon his shoulder. William pulled the hood up and took my arm. We did depart to begin my duty.
Into the street we traveled and many did I see who hungered and lived in the refuse of others. We walked and talked and we set out a plan for trade. He took me to a building of stone and we went pass a large man that just waved him in. Inside, the room was filled with many, loud noise filled the air and some moved to it. The air was thick, the smell was a mixture of many and was hard for me to inhale. My tummy felt unease.
William spoke to a girl behind a long table that stood very tall. Chairs with high legs circled the side we where on. The female beckoned to another and a man took position behind the table and lead William and me through a door.
“Jesse!” William almost shouted. “Do I have a sweet deal for you.”
Jesse was a tall woman and well figured. Her hair was the color of sunshine but her face gave way to that of a worn woman. She eyed my form carefully, even though I was still fully covered in my cloak and grinned back at William. “Did you bring me a snack?” She wet her lips.
“Jesssssee.” His voice shook a little, “She is mine.” He looked at me over his shoulder. “Well, sorta mine.”
“Well than!” she smiled, “Let me take a look at your treasure.” She moved to me and moved back my hood as she brushed her hand under it and over my hair. Her eyes widen and her mouth fell open. She gazed at my face and than pushed my hair carefully from my ear not touching them. She found her voice, “I think I am in lust.”
William moved besides me, wrapping his arm firm around my waist, “Like I said, she’s mine. No deal on her. We came to strike a different bargain.”
“You said sorta yours, “she smiled a devilish smile. “Okay, let’s talk. We can go in my playroom.”
“No, I think its best we stay. Right here.” He looked a little sheepish.
“That isn’t what you said last time.” She grinned. “What is it you want?”
William looked into my eyes. I nodded. I knew he needed to be the one to start the trade. “This is Raven, she is kind of new to the area and she is really good at getting around.” I know you are always looking for many talents …”
“You know it.” Her eyes still scanning me, “I think she could turn me a pretty penny.”
“That is not what I mean!” William did shout this time. “If you don’t want the best courier in the area. One totally unknown to the snitches, than fine. I think Big Pete might like the talent and pay more.”
“Now, Now” Jesse tried to calm him. “You think she’s that good with looks like that. They would bust her in a hot flash. She stands out in a crowd.”
“Watch this.” William eyes narrowed and turned to me. “Raven make with the poof and go get me a bottle from behind the bar out there.”
I kind of understood. I opened my mind and took the form of nothingness. I left the room and went to the tall table. Behind it was many bottles I took the one on the end and slipped it into my cloak and returned.
Jesse eyes watched the door open and shut. “Okay you proved your point. William. She’s got the job. Now let’s see what she brought us to drink. Come over here Darling and sit next to me.” I once again took on my form. William nervously nodded and I sat nest to Jesse on what was called a couch. I placed the bottle in her hand. “Girl, has taste. ” She opened the bottle and took a quick gulp passing the bottle to William, as she choked a little on the Whiskey. “Got to love that Jack D.” William took a long had swallow. Thus I began my trade.
On our way home I hear something in the darken side of a building. It moved near the large box of metal that smelled of rot. William followed as I entered into the ally. There curled up was a delicate young flower of a female. Her eyes flashed in fear.
“I am Seeker of the Fireoak Forest. Can I aid you?” I raised my talisman and tree burst into flames, “Please come with me and I can offer you a life.” The flame blessed me. She did come. She was my second mate and I would protect her.
Mystic meet us at the door like a worried parent. He looked at the new female I brought as she hide behind me. I took her to my hut, way of ladder and had her clean herself. She was such a lovely young. Mystic came to us with his herbs and medicine. At first Linda pulled back from him but assured her of his skill. I stayed with her as he worked his magic.
Linda was quiet at first but soon told her tale. She told of foster home where the male parent would make her mate. She did so freely in order to gain what she wanted. She told of a boy friend that caused her trouble with the green law and now the law hunted her.
Mystic wanted to know if she wanted the law after the parent or if she just wanted to be whole. All she wanted was to leave it behind and start a new life. I saw her eyes fixed on Mystic with a hunger in them. I knew that look. It was burning in mine. Hers hunger was not the same. It was a lesser pull. I left them to work it out.
It was a good start and many more good days follow. I spent time in the teachings of Mystic each and every day as he made things for our son and things for our home. He feed me things that stayed in my stomach and sang to me as I slept. There was a story of a Raven and of fire.
As I watched him build his sweat lodge he spoke of it. Mystic explained much to me. He said, “The rite of Inipi utilizes all the Powers of the universe: earth and the things that grow from the earth, water, fire, and air. When we use the water in the sweat lodge we should think of Wakan Tanka who is always flowing, giving His power and life to everything. We should even be a water which is lower than all things, yet stronger even than the rocks.
The sweat lodge is made from twelve or sixteen young willows, and these too have a lesson to teach us, for in the fall their leaves die and return to the earth, but in the spring they come to life again. So too, men die but live again in the real world of Wakan Tanka, where there is nothing but the spirits of all things. And this true life we may know here on earth if we purify our bodies and minds, thus coming closer to Wakan Tanka, who is all-purity.
The willows which make the frame of the sweat lodge are set up in such a way that they mark the four quarters of the universe; thus, the whole lodge is the universe in an image, and the two-legged, four-legged, and winged peoples, and all the things of the world are contained within it, for all these peoples and things too must be purified before they can send a voice to Wakan Tanka.
The rocks represent Grandmother Earth, from whom all fruits come, and they also represent the indestructible and everlasting nature of Wakan Tanka. The fire which is used to heat the rocks represents the great power of Wakan Tanka which gives life to all things. It is a ray from the sun, for the sun is also Wakan Tanka in a certain aspect.
The round fireplace at the center of the sweat lodge is the center of the universe, in which dwells Wakan Tanka, with His power which is the fire.
All these things are wakan to us and must be understood deeply if we really wish to purify ourselves, for the power of a thing or an act is in the meaning and the understanding.
The sweat lodge is always constructed with its door to the east, for it is from this direction that the light of wisdom comes. About ten paces from the lodge, at the east, we first construct a sacred fireplace, which is called Peta-owihankeshni, “fire of no end” or “eternal fire”, and this is where the rocks are heated.”
Mystic fashioned a cradle board for our son. He explained the importance of it to me, “Cradle boards were used by Indian mothers to keep their infants secure. They are usually made by a grandmother or aunt, or passed down from a family member. Cradle board making was a ceremonial act. Decorations of quill beadwork and other treasures brought esteem to the family. The frame would usually have been made from willow or
wood. The most common covering would have been buckskin, but flour sacks, cloth materials and heavy canvas were also used later. Cradle boards varied in construction and form, depending on the tribe and individual. Some of the most beautiful examples of Indian art could be found on decorated cradle boards. Most cradle boards carried an umbilical cord amulet, so the infant could have it as a toy, to carry through life, and to connect with past and future
Linda soon was busy with my son and following Mystic around when he was there. Mystic when home kept busy tending to Josho, Linda and me. His herbs, songs and his knowledge flowing like a stream, gentle and constant. When Mystic was not to be found Linda hovered over William. William would scruff her hair and bring her things she asked for. They where happy.
She once asked to which belong my heart. I told her in truth, “My heart belongs to my people but my spirit and self belongs to only one and he is Cufean, my dream.” Again I felt pain but the time had eased it and I was stronger.
Kara and Cat came in and out during this time but they where busy with many other things. Valoki spent much of his time with Kara. He so did wish she was of his kin but she was not and thus he made her his pet, one to love and care for. I kept from the mansion and stayed away from all but my trade and duty.
I wondered if Cufean thought of me or it Valoki was right, that the great Master of the Wild hunt played his game with many women, not caring of the pain he wrought or the dark that he did, in the name of the good he professed. My mind begged me to hold that true and run from him but my blood burned and I knew he was more, much much more.
Many days I walked the streets and learned the way. I learned what to trade for the green paper. I found many who needed my land and wanted my ways but where yet afraid to join.
Solids of the green food would seldom stay within in me but the drinks of Mystic kept me whole. My veins burned but I learned to ignore most of the pain. My only troubles where in rest when my mind roamed free. I either dreamed of Cufean and my blood would pain me or the Cold steel eyes would peer in me and I could feel the evil running through me. Both caused me to wake in terror but William or Mystic held me in that moment. Gentle arms of caring, holding me to the green.