Raven’s Personal Log 7
I woke from my sleep. Mystic laid in the grass with Josho snuggled close. It was a sight that warmed my heart. Parent and child together in slumber. I wonder if my parent sleep with me in such a loving way. Mystic was a good man and an even better daddy. William was somewhere out there and I needed to find him. I cover the two with a blanket and left to find William.
I walked the streets in search, only for a man to offer to buy what I would sell. Thank the flame Cat told me how to understand such men. If you do not know what they say, they wish to mate, was basically what he told me. I could see the disappointment in this ones eye as he looked for another to share his seed with. I only wanted one seed but would I ever have it? I sang my songs softly as I searched for him. The streets where empty and the silent only broken occasionally by the roar of the cars. I walked to the Water edge and sang to the sun as it brought in the new of their day. I could never truly be one with the green, no matter how hard I tried, I was failing in all that I did. The new day was born and I turned to return to my new forest. Maybe there I could pretend to feel one with all that is now.
I was lost in thought but the flame was with me and William pulled me into a line he had been in. We feasted on Hot sticky “Oats”, harden bread, and a mug of juice. I ate it but it felt oh so heavy in my tummy. My tummy flipped as we made our way to the Warehouse forest.
The world was alive within the walls. Mystic held Josho and he demanded to know who William was. I explained but no trust was between them. They started to talk but than Drake showed up telling me that Kara waited. I invited her in and asked her to live with us as I showed her around. Kara accepted to live with us and the excitement with in the walls made chaos of all that was happing.
Before I could finish Cufean showed up. My spirit tore in two. I could not face him. I again made a fool of my self because of this burning. I used his title of human to distance my self from him. He was just one of the many. I had to try and deny my feelings. Valoki was pleased in my decision and helped me maintain my composer, as he wanted for his friend to join us.
It was yet another female. Valoki laughed and commented “He is probably seeding her to. What does that make at least three? Good thing you are going to have nothing to so with him. He is barren.” It hurt but helped me to maintain. Valoki was in a playful mood and dived at Aaron. I screamed at him to behave. He took his time but settled down.
Everith, was her name and she looked of the kin of the fairies, only much more like the ones that the fluttering ones praised. She was a beautiful female with long black hair, green eyes and black feathered wings. I greeted her in a title I thought would do her honor, “Greetings, angel of the fairies.” I was wrong she did not under stand the title and I think took offense.
She told me she was also of title of Raven, she carried and I smiled and introduced her to Josho daddy Mystic Raven. I made my excuse and left them, taking my son to his bed. I left as one of the green not waiting to be excused but my head hurt and my stomach churned. Lucky I keep a refresh pot in my hut.
I guess I stayed away to long or William just didn’t like so many for he called up to me. “Hey babes, you got a house full. I’ll see yeah later.” I gathered myself quickly seeing him heading for the door and jumped off the rafters rolling on the grass and to my feet and stood in front of him. I spoke to him softly of him living here with me and of the work we needed to do that night. He smiled so brightly at me and his eyes twinkled in a joy I needed to understand. He placed a kiss on my forehead and with a quick hug he departed from the Warehouse forest.
They all had gathered by the fire, drinking hot tea and chatting away. I looked at these people of the green and felt so far away. Yet my little sister, my sons daddy and the man of my dreams, sat in that grouping. I needed to try and belong. I sat just outside the circle and listened to them as they warmly spoke.
Mystic walked over to me and sat near. Did he know what I was feeling? He seemed so much one of my land, one of my kin. He spoke softly to me,” Josho should grow strong… that will be good ”
I looked into Mystic’s eyes, his eyes so warm, and I agreed, “He will be.”
Archer made a tray appeared from no where with sweet smelling coffee. He looked at me and Mystic for a long moment and handed the tray to Everith. “Can you take this? I have to have a word with Raven.” I had to wonder which of the three he meant.
Everith must have been thinking in the same lines, for she laughed full out, clapping a hand over her mouth at the sound, and quickly took the coffee.
Archer smiled at her as he spoke, “You can laugh, Eve … it allowed.” He stood to his full height and towered over us all. He came to where Mystic and I sat. “May I join you?” he stood next to me.
The whole of the grouping was now caught up in Everith and the sounds of joy but I paused long to answer him, I could not refuse him, “Yes Aaron, you may.” I keep my eyes on the now floating Everith. Archer folded his legs and dropped to the grass beside me. Chameleon got a serious look on her face and sipped her tea quietly.
Mystic nodded to Archer as if some unspoken word was passed and Mystic stood up wandering off near Everith “Mind if I gain a cup of coffee from you?”
Everith seemed ever so happy and replied, “I would be honored.” She poured Mystic a mug of coffee. “Any cream or sugar?”
I answered without real thought, “Only if my lo … Aaron brought it.”
Drakeon hide his laugh in mumbles about things.
“On the tray, Eve.” Even he was not totally listen to what was really going on. Now that I think back, it was really quite amusing.
“I figured as much, Archer.” She said slightly exasperated at us.
Cufean’s eyes burned into me and I held my eyes at the others. I fought the desire to turn and lose myself in his eyes. He idly asked, “How did Josho enjoy his first night with his mother?”
“I do not know, I was not here. ”
“You weren’t?” he seemed surprised.
“I did sleep for a time and than I left. To do what a seeker must do. Did you sleep well Aaron?” My eyes never leaving the others before me.
“You did sleep?” Archer smiled, than answered me, “I did not sleep.”
“I had no choice in the sleep,” I paused, “He came in my mind and made me.”
Archer seemed alarmed, “Who did?”
“Is it important for me to answer?” I asked as Valoki screamed, spit and scowled and had a fit high above us.
“No, I guess not.” He answered looking up to my friend. “He doesn’t like me very much, does he?” Archer eyes burned on my skin and I held strong my stare away from his eyes. Oh how I wanted those green mirrors to reach into my spirit.
I lowered my head, how could I refuse him, “He is mad at what you do to me.”
“What do I do to you, Raven?” Cufean always had a question on his lips.
Drakeon interrupted, “Raven would you mind if I juggled lightning?” The timing of his question could have not have been better. This gave me a moment to gather my words as not to make a total fool when I replied to Cufean.
“You may not. If you wish to juggle take it across the street.” I responded and than to Cufean I answered,
“You take me to the heights of the skies and to the dark places of the evil ones and never blink in-between.” I held my self, trying hard to contain the burning growing in me. I opened my locket and watched the flame dance. Oh how I wanted to escape to the flame so it could ease my pain. I closed it again. No, I had to do what my people would do. I could not lose myself to the green and the dark it was filled with. I forced my thoughts back to the play that was before me.
Everith was speaking she opened her mouth and said, “Play with fire and you will be burned. Play with The Great One and you will either gain or loose it all.” I could not contain my self I broke out in laughter. What a bizarre thought being burnt by flame, it was water that … but she opened her mouth again, “Play with water and you will drown?” I held my side from the thought of drowning in the waters of home, like one would be so lucky. Oh, what she must have thought of me. Finally, I regain myself but the smile was still on my lips of the things she said, the fairy queen of the green.
I fixed them food and served them according to the ways of my people, Cufean first for he was the one I swore to serve. Than I moved to my visitors, Everith and Drake giving them as much food as the wished. Mystic the parent of my son was next in line followed by my little sister, I would have eaten last but my tummy still churned. I laid the remainder next to the Elder of the grouping, as would be my people’s way. It made me feel good to do something right for a change. I know they didn’t understand the thing I did but I honored them in my own way. Even the great one Nick did not understand the tradition of serving. Twice I made food. First I offered it to him and his lady when they stood by the car. Cat jumped in and ate freely. Than as an after thought the great one took some. Than the morning of last he did do me honor and took first. This was good. None of my ways are there ways. They seem not to care to learn but only to direct me in their ways but I will learn. I must learn.
My thoughts came back to those around me. “I should check on the baby, he is to quiet.” No one excused me but than they are green. I took my leave as if one of them. I climbed up to my hut and looked as Josho chest rise and fell in his slumber. Seeing my child was fairing well I took a deep breath and returned to grouping sitting by Cufean but with the food separating us. I tried to start a conversation, “Did you see the orange in the sun as it broke the rim?”
Archer smiled and answered, “I see every sunrise.”
Eve yawned.
“Eve do you wish to rest? You may lay next to my son.” I offered.
Everith smiled at me and spoke. “I don’t sleep. Yawns are just for reminding me to breathe a little deeper.”
I replied, “You are lucky than.”
Chameleon sighed “Sometimes I wish I needed no sleep.”
“Sleep lets the dreams come and they can hurt or bring pleasure.” I agreed
Archer watched me as if in thought. I could not help but turn my eyes towards him but I held them away from his.
Everith continued, “Exactly… But dreams more often hurt me than anything.”
Chameleon choked on her word “Dreams are the reason I don’t want to sleep. Dreams cause pain too much pain. Memories bring pain.” She fell into sobs.
Cufean must be rubbing off on me I had to ask, “If you do not sleep you can not dream so how can your dreams hurt?? When do you have them??”
“In those few times when I do,” Everith explained, “And the reason the times are so few, are the dreams.” Everith slowly floated to Chammie, keeping her distance as she knew of her. She reached behind her, plucking a feather from her wings, placing it in an open palm. With a look, it hovered over to Chammie.
“Wipe your tears my dear… I hate to see you cry, and yet I know that although you aren’t aware of it, it is a blessing.”
I looked up and at archer, unable to keep from his eyes. He gazed into my eyes. I was lost within them.
Valoki landed upon Kara’s shoulder and licked her tears away. Chameleon smiled at Raven thanking her for the gesture.
That tore me from the eyes embrace and I informed her, “I didn’t do that, it was his choice to take your pain, Kara.”
Drakeon looks at chameleon “I hate to see you cry Kara”
Chameleon used the feather to dry any forgotten tears, “Sorry didn’t mean to cry but memories are so real…so painful.”
Everith nodded in understanding, “I know your pain lass.”
Cat walked in the warehouse forest and all the commotion of the morning rose again. Everyone at once directed their attention to him. We introduced Everith and told him so many things. I think I could see his mind spinning as he tried to take it all in.
“The sun is wasting and no one has train this morning.” I mentioned
Everith spoke up; “There is reason for that Raven … I train in the evening.”
” I train in the morning, for the night is to seek and protect in.” I jumped to my feet and invited all “Would any one like to play?” I did a standing back flip, than ran into a flying jump on the small beams using them to toss myself above and over and across them. As I held myself atop of the bar with legs straight up, I spoke,” If you can’t climb you can’t live in the trees of my people.”
Archer watched and questioned, “A ‘passion’ play?”
I dismounted catching a vine and swung to Cat. I gently pushed him as I jumped to the ground and took a stand. “Play little brother.” I ordered as I took a strike at him. He bent like the wind and stood back up with out me ever touching.
Archer stood, his katana appeared strapped across his back He slipped the blade slowly out over his shoulder and dropped into a fight stance. Archer closed his eyes and begins his kata. As if in trance he moved slowly, the blade shining n the morning light. He shifted from one stance to another, the katana describing perfect arcs.
Cat looked to archer “Are we going to all do our Katas?”
I watched Cufean and went to him with a challenge of sorts, “Would you like to play too?” He stopped his movement opening those eyes of his and smiled. He touched the blade to his lips and bowed to me.
“Let us dance? I believe is the term.” I spoke the phrase of the green.
Archer stepped back, blade held over his head, free hand stretched. He circled me slowly. I dropped to swipe his legs knowing from the start I couldn’t and rolled to the side, regaining my feet. He jumped way up high, land a distance from me. I grabbed a vine in a running leap and swung to close the distance. His blade flashed and cut the green as I tumbled to my feet. He twisted in a flow of grace and faced me, slowly with his blade held low, sweeping back and forth he approached. I waited till he came into position, then I pretending to charge him and jumped to the waiting vine on his right, mussing his hair as I passed by. He spun around so quickly, pulling back his blade as he captured me as I landed. He looked deep into my eyes and I was frozen in his gaze. He leaned into me and the sweetness of his lips pressed upon mine. I closed my eyes as the burning soared through me and blazed even upon the surface of my lips. He stepped back slowly from me, spinning the blade over his shoulder and into its place. His eyes never leaving mine, and I, only aware of him. He bowed. Valoki roared in my mind, awaking me from my trance.
The moment was fading as both Cufean and I spoke and those harped in. I tore my eyes from him and conversation drifted. Valoki hissed at Drake and kissed Kara, I think my friend had found his way to deal with my burning he carried in him. I backed away from them all and just stood and looked on. So far away but so close they where. I opened my locket to sooth my burning for I could stand it no longer. I took leave as they do in the green, I left.
I bathed in the sands and stood in the flames. The burning in my flames died down, it did not go but equaled to the warmth of the flame. At least now I could maintain for a time. I sat in the sands and finished the last of the berries of my land, only to have my tummy reject the food. The sands took the evil and consumed it in a moment. I cried alone in the cave, the sounds of my sobs echoing back at me. I raised my voice and sang a forbidden song of the dark, the song of doubt.
Time as no measure in my land but now I keep a record of its passing. Each second ticked away to minutes and formed an hour. I knew I had to return to the warehouse forest. I had my duty to do even though I was failing I had to try. Maybe the other elders where right. Maybe I wasn’t ready to seek. Why was allow to go? Why? My thought now sounded more of his than my own. Was this the burning that made me think this way? Was this the dark seeping into my spirit? Why could I not refuse him? I left the sand to keep the doubt of all that was me from turning into dark ash.
I no sooner arrived in the room in the Mansion, than Cufean appeared besides me. My eyes meet his the moment he was whole and I was lost in them. The room was filled in the scent of the sweet sands and flame that I had cleansed in.
“Can we sit and talk?” he requested.
I could not refuse. “Yes.” I replied as I took a seat on the bed, now seeing he held out his hand for me. I took his hand and he sat next to me drawing my fingers to his cool lips, the fire rose inside me. My voice trembled, “What do you wish to talk about”
His eyes never left mine and my fire increased as he spoke, “I am sorry I ran away last night but your offer to die for me hit to close to my heart. Thistle DID die for me. She stepped in front of an arrow.”
My heart felt for him but last night … I reminded him of his own request, “You asked me not to speak of that again. Do you wish me to stay silent?”
“No!” he said in a soft but firm tone,” I want you to tell me what is on your mind…I do not want you to have to hide your nature.”
If he wanted what was on my mind than he shall have it, “I under stand your thistle. I would do the same in a blink of an eye.”
“But I don’t want that…I could not live if you died to save me.”
“Your flame might not burn for me but mine does for you and only you. “I tried to explain, “Your name for it is love. The people of my land do not have it but Josho did and the one who brought me forth did and I am of them and I have the burning.”
Archer sighed. “What are you doing to me, Raven?”
“Telling you the truth.” I answered not sure of the question.
His eyes lowered and looked a little sad to me. He spoke so soft, “Not that…not what you say. It is what is going on in here.” He covered his heart.
I laid my hand over his. I could feel the pounding of his heart even through his clothes. “From the moment I open my eyes I knew you where the one of the stone. The only one. I would do anything for you.” He leaned forward putting his forehead to mine and my blood raced. “Can you not feel what you do to me?” I took my hand and slide the warmth of it along the outline of his cheek.
“I see it in your eyes.” His eyes once again took over me.
I continued on, “I am lost with you or with out.” I let my hand travel down his neck and across his shoulder and unto his strong arm. “You asked for time and I fear the measure of it.” I paused for a moment, “I will give you anything you want.”
His eyes softened to almost tear, “You already give more than you know…you give me hope of love after Thistle.”
I spoke my spirit unto him; “I will love you for all times my veins will burn for you till the flame leaves me. My spirit will yearn for you till beyond the ages” He pulled me into him and held me in an embrace that boiled me. I could feel the aching starting but the pleasure was too great. I laid my lips upon his and tried to hold all the passion within me, I only wanted him to feel the warmth. Something inside of him stirred, for a moment I thought he too started to burn, but my mind must have been playing tricks. I reached my hand out and stroked his hair, moving it away from his beautiful elven ears. My fingers only slightly brushing them.
He stopped me as he spoke, “Raven, it would be so easy to make love to you here, now.”
“Than do,” I added.
He shook his head slowly, “I want to make Love to you, not just have sex.”
“I know what I am doing. I would be making love.” I so much didn’t want him to reject me yet again, but knew he was about to.
“When I make love to you I want to give my whole heart.” He stared into my eyes and pull a chain out from his shirt. He took the dream stone into his hand and stared into it.
I looked at the treasure I cared for since I was young swirling to form his vision, “I looked into since my first day of young and till I saw you I didn’t understand.” I ran my fingers through the top of his hair, so much like silk in my fingers.
“Are those your eyes?” he asked, as he stared up into my eyes.
“I want to tell you yes but to be truthful I don’t know.” I could not lie to him, “You are my dream and my love and the whole of my spirit, with out you I am cursed.”
“I must see something more in you then I yet feel, for I know that when we join it will be completely and forever.” He spoke as a seer with a vision.
Now was a time for me to take a stand. I needed to prove to him my spirit but how. It came to me as suddenly as did this thing called love. I removed the talisman of my people and the heart that held the flame. I held them in my hand so he could see them and dropped them to the floor.
His eyes widen and his voice shouted, “NO!” as they lay on the floor. He quickly scooped up my discard self.
“For you I would give up all. I was told that is love”
“It is…I do not doubt…” he searched for words.
“I rejoice in the pain you give me.” My blood now boiled within the pain aching in me.
He found his words, “I do not want to give you pain I want to take that pain away.”
“As I wish to takes yours.” I wanted him to understand things I did, “I take your pain with each tear you shed and place it on my spirit.”
He placed his hand against my cheek. My skin was a fire. Cufean spoke, “Loving again will take the pain from me.”
“Than let me love you.” I offered all that I was once more. “I desire… No I want… I need you.” My words failed me again. I held his hand that contained the essence of my spirit. Did he really know what I meant with my gesture? Could I live up to my proclamation of love?
“I cannot stop you, even if I wanted to. Can you wait until my desire no long exceeds my needs?”
I did not understand his request in full but I knew he asked me to wait. “I burn but I will wait. I will not trick you or force you, because I love you.”
He pulled me into him in an embrace I wish never to end. The burn increased and the pain caused me to shed a tear. Cufean reached to the tear. He took it to his fingers and placed it on his lips. I held back any more. He held my talismans replacing it around my neck, along with my locket.
We left that room, my blood boiling for him but I maintained. As we walked down the stairs I heard my son’s cry. I followed his cry and Cufean followed me. Everith, Drake, and Red Eagle all where in the Library and my son lay on a couch. I smiled and went to my son.
Words where passed between us all but I needed to tend to my child and to the cooling of my blood. I thanked Everith of caring for my son in my absence and let Spock carry me to the warehouse forest Valoki screamed at me when I arrived. He told me that Cat and Mystic had left to gather Mystic’s things. Everith had volunteered to watch the child and than left while he took a nap. I called upon the magic of the warehouse forest to let none carry my son out except Mystic and I.