{"id":2472,"date":"2019-04-01T18:14:51","date_gmt":"2019-04-01T18:14:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/?p=2472"},"modified":"2019-04-01T18:14:51","modified_gmt":"2019-04-01T18:14:51","slug":"in-the-beginning-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/2019\/04\/01\/in-the-beginning-2\/","title":{"rendered":"In The Beginning"},"content":{"rendered":"

In The Beginning<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth.
\nAnd the Earth was without form, and void.<\/p>\n

And Satan said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”<\/p>\n

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.
\nLet the earth bring forth grass, seed, and the fruit tree
\nyielding healthy fruit.” And God saw that it was good.<\/p>\n

And Satan said, “Bummer, there goes the neighborhood.”<\/p>\n

And God said, “Let us make Man in our image, after our
\nlikeness.” And so God created Man in his own image; male
\nand female he created them. And God looked upon Man and
\nWoman and saw that they were lean and fit.<\/p>\n

And Satan said, “I know how I can get back into this game.”<\/p>\n

And God planted the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
\nspinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man
\nand Woman would live long and healthy lives.<\/p>\n

And Satan created McDonald’s.<\/p>\n

And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
\nAnd Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?”<\/p>\n

And Man said, “Super Size them.” And Man gained 5 pounds.<\/p>\n

And God created healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
\nfigure that man found so fair.<\/p>\n

And Satan brought forth chocolate.<\/p>\n

And Woman gained 5 pounds.<\/p>\n

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh garden salad.”<\/p>\n

And Satan brought forth Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream. And Woman
\ngained 15 pounds.<\/p>\n

And God said, “I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables
\nand olive oil with which to cook them.”<\/p>\n

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak & gravy so big
\nit needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds, and
\nhis bad cholesterol went through the roof.<\/p>\n

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to
\nlose those extra pounds.<\/p>\n

And Satan brought forth Cable TV with remote control so
\nMan would not have to toil to change channels between
\nESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.<\/p>\n

And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil.” And
\nGod brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low
\nin fat and brimming with nutrition.<\/p>\n

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
\nstarchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And
\nhe created sour-cream dip also.<\/p>\n

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato
\nchips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said,
\n“It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.<\/p>\n

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.<\/p>\n

And then Satan created HMO’s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In The Beginning In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void. And Satan said, “It doesn’t get any better than […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2472"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2473,"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472\/revisions\/2473"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}