{"id":2139,"date":"2019-03-03T00:08:49","date_gmt":"2019-03-03T00:08:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/?p=2139"},"modified":"2019-03-03T00:09:20","modified_gmt":"2019-03-03T00:09:20","slug":"ravens-personal-log-18","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/2019\/03\/03\/ravens-personal-log-18\/","title":{"rendered":"Raven’s Personal Log 18"},"content":{"rendered":"

Raven’s Personal Log 18<\/span><\/strong>

The star released my pain to me in the stillness of the night. Ever so lightly did they watch me tonight as I moved through the shadow of the green. I found an empty warehouse much like the way the forest one was before the Great One Nick, was moved to change it for me. My eyes welled in tears at the thought of him. He had betrayed me and my beloved. The star had told me such but how did not matter.Nothing really mattered. He to was but a shadow.<\/span>

The warehouse was totally empty. I opened my mind and summoned up the players of this world. Cat, Kara, William,Ice, Moondog, and the rest. In the closeness of my mind the music began. The devils and demons moved around me in a fiery dance. Michael started the dance.He countered me in the slowness of a waltz. He passed me along as the music rose. The ones who meant so much started to faded. Mystic Raven vanished as I twirled with the red skin devil. Michael passed me to the next. Kara sprung to the air to do battle with the demon that now held me close. She slammed back in the air and faded. To John I held out my hand. He drew me near as we swayed in rhythm of the music. He spun me around and transformed. Moondog now drew me near. His hot breathe moving down my neck to between my breast.I laid back in the move of the music and back flipped to William. His eyes so loving, so caring so full of the pain I brought him. All the players moved away from me as a burst of wild flame surrounded me.Michael sat and watched perched in human form upon a black stone. He laughed. The flames increased and consumed the players as I danced. I danced alone. Pain wrenched my essence as I danced. The fever of the music ended as I spun to the ground. The images faded.<\/span>

I walked down the familiar street and looked into the alley. The Bum, the box, all was as it was when first he came to me. Would he again? I stood there only a moment. He was not the shadow of choice tonight.I entered into the warehouse. The lush smell of the forest filling my lungs and Linda”s blaring on the stereo echoing through out the whole of the building. I moved to the pond resting next to it, my cloak tightly around me, trying to remember the feel of his embrace,my mind unable to. So long it had been since the last embrace, the Road had taken so much.<\/span>

William moved high in the beams and the music stopped.Quickly he descended the ladder and walked across the thick green carpet of grass. I watched from under my hood as he moved to the me and sat along my side tossing a pebble in the water.<\/span>

“Hello first mate.”I barely whispered.<\/span>

“Hello, babe.” He put his arm over my shoulder. “Are you okay?”<\/span>

“I am healthy. William.” <\/span>

“But you’re all ate up inside … yeah?”<\/span>

“Will you tell me something?” I had to hear it from his lips.<\/span>

“Whatever I can.” He bent down trying to look into my hood.<\/span>

“Why?” I asked<\/span>

“Why what?” <\/span>

I answered, “Why did you save me the first night you saw me? Why did you become my first mate? Why did you rob the bank? Why did hold me each night when I was burning for him? Why did you ruin yourself? Why?”<\/span>

“One at a time or all at once?”<\/span>

“You decide, mate of the Seeker that is no more.”<\/span>

“Don’t you know?”William’s face softened, his hand reached out to cover mine.<\/span>

I lifted my head and dropped the hood, “Tell me why as if I was Not of this world. Because I am not of the green.”<\/span>

William looked into my eyes, his face solemn. “I … I love you … like you love him … I love you …” I stroked his face. “I’ll do anything for you … anything.”<\/span>

“I am so sorry William.” <\/span>

“Don’t say it!” He stood up and moved closer to the pond. His eyes watching the falls.
\n<\/span>
I stood and moved behind him laying an arm on his shoulder, the other around his waist and resting my head on his back. “I had to watch you tear yourself apart for a guy that was just going to use you and dump you … I have to watch you now.”<\/span>

“It was needed for us to part.” I felt the pain in me. William turned from my touch and faced me as I continued. “He cares for another and the danger was too much.”<\/span>

“I have to watch you die inside every time you think of him.” His eyes brimmed with passion of his words.<\/span>

“Do you wish me to leave you forever?” I wanted to ease his pain. “So you don’t have to watch?” <\/span>

William hugged me fiercely and whispered “No.”<\/span>

“I will not be able to return your love.” I held him back to have him look at me. <\/span>

“I know that … he killed your heart.”<\/span>

“No, he brought it to me.” I answered.<\/span>

“But what can you love now?” his voice trembled, “I am going to find him one day.”<\/span>

“No! Move not against him.”<\/span>

William”s pain was in his voice, “I will learn to use what I have …”<\/span>

“If you move against him I will move against you. Don’t make me do that. I value you.”<\/span>

“No matter what he’s done.You won’t hurt me. “<\/span>

“I would hurt you.”<\/span>

“Doesn’t matter …” He shook his head his eyes falling, “He’s too fuckin’ powerful for me anyway …”<\/span>

The clasp undid easy as I let my cloak fall to the grass. My dragons glowing through my body suit. “Thus you must not risk yourself, for things you can not help.” I slide my boots and body suit off.<\/span>

William stared at my naked body. His eyes scanning it fora long time. His face showing total disbelief in what he saw. “What are you doing?”<\/span>

“Giving you a gift.” I moved into him as my fingers unbutton his shirt.<\/span>

“You mean …”<\/span>

I reached for his belt and unbuckled it, “Unless you don’t want it.”<\/span>

William stopped my hands. He took them and held them together in his and raising them to his lips. A sweet warmth pressed against them, “I love you … but I can’t take this from you as a gift like that. I want your heart, not just your body …” He gathered me close and kissed me very tenderly.<\/span>

“My heart does not belong to me. I gave it away and I am elf. I only had one.”<\/span>

William hugged me tightly; tears rolling down his cheeks.As he released me he turned to hide the tears and wiped his nose on the back of his hand.<\/span>

I silently replaced my clothes. I picked up my bag and draped my cloak over my shoulders. My eyes never really drifting from his back.<\/span>

“William, I am sorry for the pain I cause you.” I drew my hood up. <\/span>

William turned to face me, his eyes red. “Hey … that’s okay, babe..”<\/span>

“If you change your mind of the gift. Just tell me.” I caught the last of his tears to my fingers and brought it on my lips. “It is all I have left. I wanted you to smile.”<\/span>

“You have Josho … He needs you, you know … You have me … and Linda … and Pam … and John.”<\/span>

The star expanded in me. It was not going to allow this to be real, “You are all human. When you are dust of the green I will still be.”<\/span>

William looked hurt at my words but I could do nothing to take them back. “Yeah, we’re just human … We’re just humans that love you … But I guess you don’t care any more …”<\/span>

I pushed back his words and tears, pain flowed. My body felt stiff against the words we now shared. “I guess your right.” I walked toward the door.<\/span>

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that.” He ran after me. “Raven! Please … Stay with us!” He blocked my way.<\/span>

“I will put you all in danger. Can’t you see that!”<\/span>

“No … we can’t. All we see is you are gone … I’m used to Death … remember? I WAS dying … Hell I was dead walking …”<\/span>

“But I don’t want to have to die because of my stupid quest for greatness.” I laid my hand to his cheek, he was so warm, I was so cold. “You were my hero of the green and the Seekers first mate. You have a chance for a better life in the green.”<\/span>

“Where? You keep saying that … like I died …”<\/span>

“No, I did. Just my shell hasn’t figured it out yet.”<\/span>

“Stay here, Raven … the world can live without us … and we are safe here.”<\/span>

“I can”t hide from it, or not for long. What is safe? I was so safe in the land of the Fire Oak Forest and the dark took me. I was safe as long as I obeyed them, until Josho gave his life. I was safe in the home of Nick. Til the great fight that destroyed it. I was safe in the arms of … Well until this happen. What is safe and who will take it from me next?”<\/span>

“Doesn’t Nick guard us here?” <\/span>

“As long as it amuses him to do so or he forgets we are around. Dragons are not like human or elf. They think differently. He could hear my words right now and strike me dead or let the forest be as when I came to it. We are safe at his whim. I do not pretend that his gifts do not cost. He charged me my heart for the things he did for me.”<\/span>

“Oh, great.”<\/span>

I held back my tears. “He has a reason. I just have to figure it out. Hard to figure something out that you don’t …”<\/span>

“You know dragons better then me …”<\/span>

“Do you know I had a wing for most my life and she taught me many things. I never understood ninety percent of what she said. She killed her own to protect these gloves and me. They are her claws. I try really hard to pretend I understand them. I understand a few do and do not”s. I understand they charge for everything. I only just learned of love but I don’t even know if they do.”<\/span>

William seemed fascinated as he tried to keep me there. “What do they normally charge?”<\/span>

“Depends on what they do for you and if it amuses them. Blue had me dance for him. So I could have a ride and later …”<\/span>

“Later?”<\/span>

“I know you of the green love to lie to me about my looks. I know I am ugly. In the forest I had only one I called friend besides the dragons.”<\/span>

“Ugly?”William spoke in a shocked voice. “You?”<\/span>

“Come on, you can stop pretending. I faced the facts long ago.”<\/span>

“Raven … you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!”<\/span>

“Me and my green eyes and black hair. That is your heart talking again. I know what I am.”<\/span>

“Haven’t you noticed, humans come in all varieties?”<\/span>

“So do elves, just not like me. I had the look of dark. I was not like any others. I was a freak of nature. I dreamed of my one and only and saw him in my dream stone. He now has the stone around his neck as I gave it to him as it is always to be.”<\/span>

William grunted. “I hope it pulls him under.”<\/span>

“He will give it to his dream and so it is passed on.” I choked on the thought of the other wearing it. <\/span>

“What’s his dream?”<\/span>

“I don’t know.” I returned to my dragon story. “Blue would be called Samtis’ son. He liked me too much and Samtis forbid me to take wing with him. It was a battle between the two that took her life.” I raised my voice in the dragon passing song but nothing came out. “Sorry, Just know we are never safe. Nick is different in many ways. For one, he actually cares. Almost like … like a human. I got to go. I will not leave you forever William. I just need to come and go as needed.”<\/span>

“What are you looking for,Raven?”<\/span>

I paused at the door my hand on the knob. “The keys to unlock my greatness, so I can be done with the curse. If I do not achieve the greatness I will die.”<\/span>

“And if you do?”<\/span>

“I will do many great things for many and it depends on who’s story you listen to. Lebleg said I would do away with the dark. The dark one said I would do away with the flame. From my travels I learned I would want them to be one but no one is that great. William, guard the others for me.\u00a0 I trust in you.” I laid a kiss on his cheek. “May the flame be with you.”<\/span>

“And with you.” He echoed.<\/span>

I stepped out the gate to the oh so familiar street and walked. Away from the warehouse, away from the almost real to me. I closed my eyes to picture of my dream, his long locks of black, his eyes green,his lips so gentle and warm.<\/span>

A voice tore me from my thoughts, “Whither do you wander, fair kinswoman?” <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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