{"id":2118,"date":"2019-03-02T21:54:55","date_gmt":"2019-03-02T21:54:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/?p=2118"},"modified":"2019-03-02T21:55:50","modified_gmt":"2019-03-02T21:55:50","slug":"ravens-personal-log-15","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ravensplayland.com\/wpRAVEN\/2019\/03\/02\/ravens-personal-log-15\/","title":{"rendered":"Raven’s Personal Log 15"},"content":{"rendered":"

Raven’s Personal Log 15<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

This may be my last entry for I no longer wish to write. The cold and green has turned its evil upon me. My dream ripped away, lost to me. Unable to bear the loss, I called to Nick to ripen my children within. I was a protector. I needed them to come forth so that I could find safe haven for them. Protect them from this ugly world of the cold and green. This was no place for my children without their father. Upon their birth, I swaddled them and moved to the road.<\/span><\/p>\n

The warmth and emptiness of the road was more surreal to me, the yellow rusted buses all number 21 line the road. I had traveled many places with him on our vacation. I knew where I headed. I rested feeling very weary but I had to finish my task. I looked down upon the only blessing I had. For them I must do what I needed to do. <\/span><\/p>\n

I pulled a pickle jar from my cloak scratching the time and date on the lid. Closing my eyes and opening my mind I opened the portal. I dropped the jar as I held my babies close and step to the land of my loves, into Lothlorien. <\/span><\/p>\n

I rested and feed my children as I tired to regain my strength. The tall white trees loomed above. Cufean’s friends came to me. Cynaraiel and Hathaldir, I requested for them to care for Thistle till Cufean, if ever, would remember them. They offered to take them both and I declined. “One unto each bloodline.” I kissed my child as my heart broke and handed her to Cynaraiel. <\/span><\/p>\n

Again I walked the road, carrying my son. I rested often, the distance further than I remembered. I pulled another pickle jar etching upon the lid and opened the portal. The portal changed as I was slipping through. I could feel a pull as I moved through it. I entered into a dark glowing cave, instead of brightly lit forest. <\/span><\/p>\n

I heard a soft female voice calling softly my name. I followed the tunnel that broke into a large cave. In the center a sandy colored great one. Cradled in his arm was a half women half flame elf. Her hair was long black and eyes shimmer of green jewels. The walls shimmered in light though no light source was present, except for her lower form. <\/span><\/p>\n

“I am Rav. Seeker of my people. Welcome Daughter. I have been waiting for you.” The great one and Rav took my son into their care. <\/span><\/p>\n

I awoke from my sleep in the woods of the cold and green. My clothes were covered in the normal blood of child birth. In the blood, I sat, looking at it. My mind traveled to what felt like a life time ago, going back in time to the world of the dark ones, the world I at one time feared so much. Forward to his eyes, his beautiful hair. The home I had in his arms. He was a dream had to be put back to the dreams he came from. From my cloak, I pulled my gun and placed it to my head. “Good night Gracie.” I spoke as I pulled the hammer back. Time froze in the stillness of the forest of the cold and green. <\/span><\/p>\n

“You would do this?” Rang the voice of the great one.<\/span><\/p>\n

I dropped my gun hand. I peered at the cold steel of the gun. My eyes narrowed as I eased the hammer back to safety. “Not yet” I said, “I will not let it be so easy for them.” I put the gun back in my cloak. My hand went to my chest and at first I felt as if something was missing. “Silly girl,” I laughed. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nick appeared at my side and I looked at him “Yes great one I could.”<\/span><\/p>\n

He squatted down beside me. “Death solves nothing, Daughter.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Don’t worry.” I commented, “It was just a thought some one said to me.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“You may think it is oblivion…but it is not…” he almost looked concern, “What will you do now?”<\/span><\/p>\n

I was silent for a long time. “I will do what I have to do to end this torture. I can not have other directing the whole of my life. I did not ask for this duty”<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick smiled. “You sound like… Do you think I choose mine?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“You’re a great one. You think Samtis wanted me?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“And how is that different from you?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Great ones have power.” I paused,” I am just a stupid elf that dances with demons and devils.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick smiled “And I have been laid low by love for a fragile girl no more than a tick in my life. How are we different?”<\/span><\/p>\n

I held my belly as I stood. Blood covered me from the waist down I looked into his golden eyes. Nick murmured a word and I was spotless. “Yes…look into my eyes…see what I did to the universe for the love of a girl… “<\/span><\/p>\n

I avoided his eyes, “Because you can defend yourself against your kind and I only have my words.” <\/span><\/p>\n

Nick laughed. “It is only a matter of challenge! Do you think I can defend myself from Nox? Or Bethany? We war all the time. It is the tilts and tips that are hard.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“So what do you think I am suppose to do now?” Nick stood as he placed a hand on my shoulder. My voice harden, “Don’t touch me”<\/span><\/p>\n

“In this, I can ignore you, Daughter, but I will not.” He took his hand from me. “What do you think you must do?”<\/span><\/p>\n

My mind spun out of control, to many demands I knew I needed done, “I have to save the frickin’ world.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Is that what you think? That your frail little shoulders bare the weight of existence?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“No,” she paused, “but that’s probably my first task! Tsar what does it matter? Cold and green does not matter, the fire Oak Forest does not matter, nothing matters. Except for the goal.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick grinned, “How many times have I used A…another to do exactly what you feel is your duty is? And that goal?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“To be awakened the seven times, in the fullness of time and do the greatness I was conceived to do. But Why me?<\/span><\/p>\n

“And then?” Nick eyed me.<\/span><\/p>\n

“I guess I die after that.” I had no real answer for him. I hurt within every fiber of myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Ask Fate, as another did last night.” He spoke, “She would not answer any more than last night.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“No I don’t trust anything of this place.” I was filled with more pain than I had ever known. <\/span><\/p>\n

“This place? The universe?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“I talk only of the cold and green.” My voice shook. “Look how many times this place came to claim me. I still am a dumb elf child remember.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“You have seen nothing of the “Cold and Green” Let me show you of THIS cold and green.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“What more pain and suffering?” I could bare no more than that which ran through me. “More wrong I have done?” <\/span><\/p>\n

“You have seen the bad…the pain…the war… You have not seen this.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“That is all the cold and green is.” My tears flowed down my checks. I could not control myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick changed location, taking me with him. We stood in playground filled with small children. They laugh and play, carefree in the way of children. I took a deep breath and tried to stand outside of myself. My tears I pulled back into the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Here is the potential of this cold and green.” He waved his hand in a view panning motion. “Each of these children will change this place a little.”<\/span><\/p>\n

The pain welled and my heart tore. I so wanted my babies. A tear slips from my eye.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick changed location again. We stood in a church, as two were wed the promise of a life together ahead. I could not bare this torture. Why did he show me the things I no longer could dream of? I turned and ran but the great one stayed me and the location changed again.<\/span><\/p>\n

We stood in a comfortable room, two very old people sitting side by side, hands clasped together. I closed my eyes it hurt way too much. The love of couple showed strong and true, nearly as strong as the love I have for my dream.<\/span><\/p>\n

“They have been together for seventy years.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“No more,” my voice barely coming to me. The pain took over and I screamed, “NO MORE!” Nick shifted again. “John was right and I am a fool.” <\/span><\/p>\n

We stood in St. Peter’s square in Vatican City, the Pope was giving a mass, and the people stood in quiet communion with a God they believe in with all their hearts…<\/span><\/p>\n

“You are not a fool, Daughter.” Nick looked down at me.<\/span><\/p>\n

“I was nothing more than a toy. Take me back to Seattle.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“A toy for whom?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Please take me back.” I didn’t want to answer him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick returned us to the warehouse. All were asleep. I looked at the beauty of this place. I ran from the memories. Him and me as we played, as we ate by the pond, as I danced for him.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Stand Raven!” The great one commanded, “Why do you flee?” <\/span><\/p>\n

For the first time in the green disobeyed the great one and cared not the punishment. I ran out the door into the night I reached for the gate and stopped. I fell to my knees.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick followed slowly, closing the door softly as he exited. He squatted beside me. His words were soft, “Why flee those who love you?”<\/span><\/p>\n

“I love no one.” I cried at my own words.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Don’t lie to yourself. Lying to oneself is how so many got into this mess.”<\/span><\/p>\n

I hide my face in my hands. “What do you want of me? I have nothing.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Nothing… I want nothing.” He spoke. “Well… Perhaps to help you… As I may.”<\/span><\/p>\n

I said nothing but dried my tears. He did care really for me but at what cost to me? It was time to do as I was taught. My eyes narrowed and I drew my face blank and I took most of what was me and placed it in the corner of me to sleep. I shut my eyes and sealed the door. Some of the pain, some of the love, all of the play stayed with me but the real of it I held away. I could not and would not allow him to take them I felt his eyes upon me and his breath stopped.<\/span><\/p>\n

“I am Not who I was and will never be again. The cold and green will NOT hurt me like this again.” I stated the fact.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Even I change…. “<\/span><\/p>\n

“You are a great one and I will still honor you.” I opened my eyes and looked onto the sky above. <\/span><\/p>\n

“I ask not for your honor.”<\/span><\/p>\n

My eyes looked unto him. He was just a player in this play I was placed. The great one was one being directed and didn’t even know he lost that position. A star twinkled off in the distance past him. The distant star that I had to follow.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nick’s golden eyes looked deeply into mine but I no longer saw them as I did before. He was just a shadow walker in this play, He nodded as I stood in one fluid motion, and looked down at him.<\/span><\/p>\n

“I will trouble you no longer. Call if you have dire need, for you are an important link in a long chain.” Nick stood. “More will come to you then you expect.”<\/span><\/p>\n

“Good bye great one.” I spoke in a steady voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

“You will not nay say me one thing.” Nick placed his hands upon my shoulder and kissed me on the forehead. He stepped back, his face a mask. <\/span><\/p>\n

This scene was now at a close. I opened my locket. I heard his words as I faded from him, “Endure, Raven of the Fireoak Forest.” <\/span><\/p>\n

The fire eased my pain and my eyes focused off into the millions of years of sorting of the night sky. Time slipped by. It could have been a minute it could have been a day, it could have been a week. I dressed with my jeans covering over my bodysuit. I would never wear anything else with out it on me. I took the cloak of my love and covered me in full. The locket opened and I was back to the brunt memories of a life not real. I took the button from its hidden place and smiled. “You know what! I don’t need your help! I can do this one on my own.” I dropped the button to the ground. Slowly I moved up the driveway to the street and moved silently to the city. There was no song left for me to sing. <\/span><\/p>\n

*Somewhere, in a corner of existence, a deep rumble of laughter rippled the Universe*<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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